Medication. Medication. Medication.
A term which I am well versed with. As if the word became a litany and jubilant cacophony within my mind; subsequent to the relentless influence and advice from those surrounding me to accept.
Purpose: to assist with reducing the severity of depression, anxiety, OCD and Anorexia propensities.
Such appears reasonably straight forward, correct?
One would anticipate. However, me being me, discovered medication, an arduous concept to fathom over the accretive years residing with mental illness.
Never have I declined, feared, felt vulnerable or thought it to be shameful to incorporate medication into my life. Nor have I condemned others who take anti depressants / anxiety medications daily. I simply am an individual who has desired to conquer all naturally; allowing myself to be nourished holistically through consuming nutritionally dense food + drink, exercising in a healthy manner (this is to be debated with Anorexia. Yet is something I am currently tackling through therapy), receiving adequate amount of sleep, allocating time to socialise, partaking in regular therapy and grappling with the sporadic waves of mental illness when they present themselves, with the tools I have acquired.
Although I am a firm believer in healing through natural means, I recently became accustomed to accepting that medication can similarly be part of one’s health repertoire of healing.
There is no correct way to heal. Life is multifaceted so why can’t recovery be also? Sometimes, we are to utilise numerous sources of health backgrounds to ensure we are able to live a healthy, happy and balanced life.
Subsequent to endless days awaking to partake in the exact same routine, accomplishing all robotically (as if I had become rudimentarily and gullibly preprogrammed to the rules stipulated by the mental illnesses), encountering numerous feelings of anxieties, sickening pains deep within, heightened bouts of depression, episodes of crying prior to sleep due to fearing awaking the next morning to continue with the same monotonous tasks within the same mind and body, not knowing what my mind was deceptively capable of and loathing myself for not understanding my purpose, direction or authentic self!!
Hesitantly gazing into the soulless depths of my vacant reflection, feeling as if my body and mind were detached and invaded by a plethora of different personalities, not comprehending which personality to adopt for the given moment.
Exhaustion. Unease. Discombobulated. Soulless.
Enough was enough. I gradually began to realise that there must be more to life than what my daily life has manifested itself into?
The short answer to this – THERE IS!
Thus, I accepted the medical professionals offer of medication to alleviate the internal pressures to thrust myself forwards into the beauty, wholeness and love of life!
Day four of medication and I am feeling remarkably fine. Admittedly, it takes four to six weeks to completely observe any benefits of the medication. Yet whilst I hold this fact, I feel empowered, proud and liberated to have made and implemented the decision to honour the genuine Maddie. The young woman in the absence of the umpteenth masks. Taking control of my life with the added pleasure of an antidepressant.
Having antidepressants / anxiety medication, as part of one’s daily health routine and lifestyle, should not be judged, looked down upon or for one to feel as if they are a disappointment, a failure or to be ashamed of. No!! Rather one should feel uplifted for being able to accept the assistance so to live a life of light + contentment.
Of course there shall be days when the medication is not potent enough to prevent the powerful thoughts. This is ok. It is fine to realise, express and hold the fact that today and possibly a few more days to eventuate, have the potential to not be great days. It is fine to not be ok.
Being vulnerable and fragile is permitted. They are not signs of weakness but of courage, insight and individual strength.
Why should there be stigma associated with consuming antidepressants, when with a physical illness we are liberally provided with medication as the first option, to diminish the pain and severity? Why should this differ towards the turmoil and discomfort felt mentally? Treating mental and physical health, although may appear diverse, are actually not to far apart on the spectral extremes.
Medication is for all genders, ages, ethnicities, skin tones etc. as mental illness does not discriminate. Nor should we cast judgements towards other human beings, especially if we are not privy to their life journey.
Medication simply acts as a stent when inserted to allow adequate blood flow towards the heart. An analogy my insightfully, sagacious Psychologist kindly reminded me of. The medication merely allows one’s window of happiness and opportunity to expand, reducing the pressures of the surrounding mental illnesses to adopt an audience position as opposed to appearing centre stage.
So here I am, in all of my turbulent and ambivalent glory, expressing that I am proud, not ashamed or a miserable failure to have begun medication. I am Maddie. I am me. I am eagerly prepared to begin the life I was destined for! Nothing, not even my mental illnesses have the ability to thwart my progression.
To all of you beautiful souls who take antidepressants or anxiety medication daily, adore yourself for doing so. Have pride and adoration of self. Embrace and do not be ashamed to vocalise your journey, medication inclusive, as one genuinely never knows how one’s journey can inspire another?
We all need leverage in life, in multiple ways. Accepting this “springboard approach” (as a dear friend of mine cleverly utilises – for which I whole heartedly adore!), reminds us that we are not invincible. That seeking assistance from a comforted other, when the time feels congruent, is organically fine.
All of my warmth, happiness, light, love + hugs warmly,
P.S. if you or anyone you know are in need of or contemplating beginning an antidepressant / anxiety medication, I implore you to seek assistance from a trusted medical professional to direct you or your loved one along the correct path towards health + well-being. Be patient and malleable in approach, as it can prove trial and error until the appropriate mediation is discovered to suit one’s physiology. Do not cease. Believe in yourself and the process. I wish you all the very best and am proud of every single one of you!xx
Medication – a helping hand to allow a flower to blossom wholly! 🌸